Running
by mrsriggs987
Summary: Carmen's mum turns up out of the blue, causing chaos in Carmen's mind. She makes an offer that Carmen isn't sure about, but when her true intentions are finally revealed, a grief-stricken Carmen runs away. A care kid on the streets isn't so surprising, but when it's Carmen Howle, nobody thinks she'll make it...Jarmen. Strong swearing later. Previously Decisions. Plot change.
1. Chapter 1

Everyone was chatting away to Mrs Taylor, and cooing at Hope. I knew I should be there, in the crowd, chatting and cooing and laughing with the others. But something was stopping me. I turned away and walked upstairs to my room, silently.

I didn't know what was wrong with me; maybe it was just jealousy, I wasn't really sure. But whatever it was, it was occupying my mind and my heart. I sighed, laying back on my bed. For the first time ever, all the pink in my room was sort of blinding. Instead, I closed my eyes, relaxing at the darkness.

Ever since my mum had gone and gotten married without even telling me, everything had just fallen to pieces. I felt hurt and angry. Even though my mum was horrible to me, I had missed her and I wished she'd bothered telling me about her wedding. Even if her husband was a prick.

I stretched out, keeping my eyes shut, wishing I could just disappear. Rain started pattering against the windows outside. I vaguely heard the doorbell ringing downstairs, but I didn't bother going down there. Mike and May Li could get it. I heard the door opening, and voices talking, but they were muffled and I couldn't hear the exact words. A moment later, Mike was calling me.

I opened my eyes, huffed, and fixed my hair before going downstairs, taking my time. After all, I was still feeling crappy. But when I got to the bottom of the stairs, the first thing I saw was everyone crowded at the living room door, staring ahead. I raised my eyebrow at them and stepped down onto the carpet, following their gazes.

When my eyes found hers, my heart sank and anger boiled up inside me. There stood my mum, smiling brightly and acting as if she had every right in the world to be there. It reminded me of the last time I saw her, only this time Lily wasn't here to comfort me about it and convince me to see her. I took an unsteady step backwards, then another, then another. Two hands rested on both my arms. Johnny one side, Tee on the other. My eyes were filling with tears.

"Hello, sweetie." Mum said.

I was shaking by this point. "Get out." I whispered.

"Carmen..." Mike began.

"I don't want to see her!" I said, my voice raising. I stepped forward, but Johnny and Tee's grip tightened on my arms. "Get off." I said, and they did.

"Sweetie, please, I have great news!" Mum started.

"Yeah, I know. You got married without even telling me!" I yelled, flinging the words at her. I wanted to lash out and hurt her, the way she'd hurt me.

"I knew you wouldn't want to come, sweetie." Mum told me.

"No you didn't! You don't know me at all, and you didn't want me there!" I exclaimed. "I don't want you and I don't need you! Just go back to Spain and leave me alone!"

A familiar cry came from behind me and I winced. Hope was crying. I looked over to see Mrs Taylor cooing at her softly, kissing her head and whispering soft, sweet words to her. Something my mum had never done.

Something inside me just shattered. Tears fell down my face and I ran upstairs, almost tripping over my own feet as I went. I slammed the bathroom door behind me and locked it, sobbing quietly as I sat with my back against the door. I didn't usually cry, but for some reason, now it felt like the only option.

I heard and felt someone knocking on the door. "Carmen." Johnny said.

"Are you okay?" Bailey asked.

"Open the door." Jody said.

I knew they were there for me, and locking myself in here wasn't going to help. I slid the lock back and moved away from the door. Jody opened the door and stepped in, Tee, Johnny and Bailey behind her. Tee kneeled in front of me, Jody on one side, Johnny on the other.

"Maybe she has a good reason..." Tee began.

"An excuse, you mean." I replied, my voice cracking. "I don't want to see her. I'm tired of her letting me down."

"That's how we felt about our mum." Tee pointed out. "And look at us now."

"You don't get it, Tee. The situations are different." I said.

"They're not, though!" Jody told me. I felt like they were all ganging up on me, trying to force me to see her. I stood up and pushed past them.

"I won't see her. None of you can make me." I snapped. With that, I was walking into my room and slamming the door shut, laying on my bed and staring into space.

A while later, my door opened, and closed as someone stepped in. I wasn't crying as much now; the occasional tear was rolling down my cheek, but that was it. I looked up as my bed dipped down from someone else's weight, and there was Kaz.

"They're worried about you." She told me, as I sat up.

"Who?" I asked.

"Everyone." She replied.

"Well, they don't need to be." I shrugged.

"Don't pretend that this doesn't bother you. We all know better. Your mother has left, but she told us to talk to you. She left her number in the office if you want to speak with her." Kaz explained.

"I don't." I shook my head.

"Maybe not now, but maybe in the future, you will want to." Kaz said. "Now, come downstairs. We're watching Toy Story 3."

I rolled my eyes, but secretly I had really wanted to watch that movie, but none of us had gotten a chance to. I nodded and cleaned myself up and let Kaz lead me downstairs.

"It's about time!" Mo teased.

"We were waiting for you." Harry explained.

Kaz nudged me, raising her eyebrows, as if saying _I told you so. _I rolled my eyes at her but grinned. Johnny and Bailey budged up, creating a space between them for me as Kaz went to sit by Tee. I flopped between Johnny and Bailey, a smile forcing it's way onto my face.

They started the movie and I found myself distracted from everything that had happened before, with my mum and with my jealousy of Mrs Taylor and Hope, who had long left by now.

By the time the credits had rolled around, though, I was fast asleep in Johnny's lap, with Bailey's arm resting on my side.


	2. Chapter 2

My eyes fluttered open and I found myself in my room. I rolled over and glanced at the clock. 8AM. That was early for me.

I got up and got ready for the day. I wore blue skinny jeans, a black floral camisole, and a denim jacket over it. I wore my black sneakers – yes, I owned something black – and tied my hair back into a ponytail. I walked downstairs to find that nobody was awake; Mike was asleep in the living room and I had no idea where May Li was.

I glanced towards the office and walked in as quietly as possible. I saw a little slip of paper with "HELEN" written on it, and her number scrawled underneath. I got out my phone, put in the number, then quickly ran out of the office, and into the kitchen.

I sat there for ages, just mulling over everything that had happened. Before I knew it, people were walking in. I glanced at them as they passed me. Tee sat in front of me and showed me her phone. There was a picture of me curled up beside Johnny. Normally I'd be annoyed, but I just shrugged at her.

"Are you okay?" Tee asked, her eyes furrowing as she studied my face. "You don't look so good." She added, as if she needed to confirm the question she was asking.

"I'm fine." I replied, shrugging my shoulders. I grabbed my phone and stood up, going to walk out. Johnny ran into me and I nearly toppled over, but he grabbed me, firmly holding my arms. "Thanks."

"Don't mention it." He muttered, his cheeks flushing. My own cheeks burned but I walked past him to hide it.

"Carmen, are you coming for breakfast?" May Li asked.

"I got up earlier and made myself something." I lied, as I headed upstairs. I closed my bedroom door and went onto my phone. I clicked on the contact "Mum" and my finger hovered above the tiny call button for a few long moments before I finally pressed it, putting the phone up to my ear.

Waiting as the dialling tone sounded out was torture. It unnerved me, and butterflies swarmed in my stomach. And not the good ones that you feel when you see your crush. Finally, I heard the connect sound.

"Hello? Carmen, is that you?" my mum's voice said.

"Yeah...it's me..." I replied, my voice quiet.

"Oh thank God. I thought you didn't want to talk to me." She said.

"I don't, not really. But I want answers. Without Mike lurking in the background." I told her.

"I'll meet you in town. Half an hour." Mum said.

"I'll be at the cafe. The biggest one." I replied, and I hung up.

I was unsure of whether I was doing the right thing. But I had to speak to her. I wanted to ask her some questions. I was finally going to get my answers. I grabbed my headphones and everything I'd need, shoved it all in a bag with my phone. I sneaked downstairs, hearing the others chatting and laughing in the kitchen.

I was almost at the door when I heard someone shifting behind me.

"Where are you going?" Johnny asked.

I turned to face him. "I have to get my answers, Johnny." I told him.

"It's a bad idea to go without Mike." Johnny told me.

"Maybe. But I don't want him in the background. I want my mum to be honest with me, and she might not if there's a care worker or social worker or whatever in the background." I explained. "Can you just...cover for me?"

He sighed, but slowly nodded. "Text me if anything goes majorly wrong, okay? I'll let you know if Mike starts getting suspicious."

I beamed. "Johnny, you're a star." I told him, and I rushed forward, kissing him on the cheek. "I owe you big time."

His cheeks went bright red, but I didn't have time to comment on it, as I left the house.

"Darling." Mum said, as she sat opposite me.

I tensed up. Seeing her here, in the flesh, made things a lot harder to deal with. "Mum." I greeted her, my grip on my coffee tightening. I'd gotten a latte, but it hadn't calmed my nerves.

"Thank you for meeting up with me." She said.

"Don't flatter yourself by thinking I've forgiven you. I just want my answers and then I'll go." I told her, my voice cold.

She simply nodded. "I understand that."

"I want you to be completely honest. Okay? There are no care workers or anybody around. Just you and me. So the least you can do is tell me the honest truth. No more lies." I told her, my voice serious. I sipped at my latte again.

"101% honest. I promise." Mum said.

Her promises meant nothing to me these days, but none the less, I decided to give her the benefit of the doubt this one last time.

"Why did you decide to leave me alone and go to Spain?" I asked.

"Sweetie, I'm so sorry..." Mum began.

"I'm not interested in your apologies. Just in your answers." I snapped.

"Because Lee told me you'd be okay. I thought you'd be okay on your own. I was selfish." She told me.

I nodded. "Damn right you were selfish." I said.

My phone buzzed and I looked at it.

_JOHNNY: Mike thinks you're out in town buying new clothes. He doesn't suspect a thing. Are you okay? x_

_CARMEN: I think so. Thank you so so much for covering for me! You're literally the best x_

_JOHNNY: Remember, you owe me ;)_

_CARMEN: What do you want? X_

_JOHNNY: Oh, just a minor thing...will talk to you about it later x Good luck_

Mum spotted me smiling at my phone, because she spoke up. "Boyfriend?"

I looked up at her, surprise flitting across her features. My cheeks heated up. "What? Boyfriend? No! No, Johnny's not my boyfriend. No." I babbled.

Mum laughed. "If you say so."

"I do." I replied, my heart hammering. What was going on with me?

"You know, I remember when I was your age and I met a guy who would end up being my first boyfriend." Mum sighed.

"Johnny wouldn't be my first boyfriend. But we're not dating." I frowned.

"Maybe not, but there's something there. I know that smile, I know the blushing, the denial...I've lived it all. But...I lived it all with Lee." Mum told me.

"I don't want to hear this." I said, but the force was gone from my voice.

"Trust me." Mum said. "You're in denial. Whoever this Johnny boy is, you like him."

"You don't know me, and you don't know him." I muttered, sipping my latte.

"Darling...I really am sorry about the times I've treated you badly. But I want to start again. Lee's agreeing to this whole thing. I want to prove to you that I've changed. Just...let me try..." Mum said.

I looked down. What did I really want?


	3. Chapter 3

After a long day of shopping with my mum, I came back, and went to my room, laying on my bed and staring into space. For so long, I'd dreamed of shopping with my mum, dreamed of having a mum who cared. But now that it seemed to be getting closer, I wasn't sure how much I wanted it. I didn't want to be let down again, like every time before. I wiped my eyes as tears welled up inside them.

My door opened, and closed as somebody entered. My bed sagged down ever so slightly as someone sat on it. I sat up straighter and there was Johnny. I shifted to sit beside him. We sat in silence for a few moments, but it wasn't a bad silence. It was quite a comfortable silence, which I had never experienced before.

"She might have changed." Johnny said, as if he could read my mind.

"Maybe." I replied. "But I'm scared."

"I know." Johnny said quietly. "But what's the point of fears, if not to face them?"

I looked at him, properly looked, and realized he was genuine. And right. But I was still unsure. "But what if I get it wrong? What if I'm the reason things have never worked out? Maybe I'm not good enough."

Johnny looked over at me, our gazes meeting. He gently took my hand in his, lacing our fingers together. Something stirred deep in my gut, but I wasn't sure what it was. "You are good enough. Just give it a shot. Like I did with Mum and Hope."

I bit my lip, nodding slowly, and I let go of his hand to wrap my arms around him. "Thanks, Johnny."

He hugged me back. "You're welcome." I felt an odd flip in my stomach at the physical contact, but again, I just ignored it.

A week passed. I'd seen my mum every day for that week, and as for me trusting her again...well, it was progress. I still hadn't told Mike, or anyone. Only Johnny knew.

"So how was clothes shopping yesterday?" Tee asked, out of the blue.

I broke out of my trance – I'd been watching Johnny and Bailey play pool (mainly Johnny) – and raised my eyebrows at her. "It was fine." I replied.

"You could have taken me with you." Tee continued, looking slightly hurt. "Lately you've been breaking away from me, from all of us, Carmen. We're meant to be your friends but you're being rather selfish. Pushing off by yourself, whispering away with Johnny, not talking to us any more...it feels like you don't appreciate us anymore."

I frowned, sitting up straighter. "I've just been busy, Tee. That doesn't mean I don't appreciate you."

"Busy with what? How can you be so busy that you can't even say hi to us in the mornings, or maybe even text us when you're out?" Tee snapped, her confidence flaring up suddenly.

"Tee, stop." Johnny warned.

"No, she's right." Jody said. "If you don't want to be friends with us anymore, Carmen, just say so. Don't ignore us."

I opened my mouth to tell them I did want to be friends with them, that it was all a misunderstanding. But Tee's accusing glare was enough for me. I stood up.

"Fine. If you want to be like that, then that's fine. But don't come running to me when you need a friend. Clearly spending my time by myself for a while is illegal, and if that's how you feel, then I don't want you as my friends either way." I snapped back, anger searing through me as well as hurt. Was I a bad person no matter what I decided to do? "I talk to you, you have a problem. I don't talk to you, you have a problem. I can't win!"

Tee looked stunned. "Carmen..." she began.

"Don't bother." I snapped. "I'm tired of you, all of you accusing me, hating me because I need to figure things out. I'm done with this."

I left the room, but instead of going upstairs like I normally would, I merely grabbed my bag and left the house, texting my mum to say that I was walking over to her house.

Just as I thought the day couldn't get any worse, my mum wasn't in and her phone was off. And it started to rain. So, instead, I just went into town and sat under a bus stop, my hair hanging in rat's tails and my clothes soaked through. I shivered; I was freezing, but I didn't want to go back to the Dumping Ground. I wanted to avoid them as much as I possibly could.

My phone vibrated, the screen lighting up. I glanced down at it. _Johnny calling._

I pressed the green button and put my phone up to my ear. "Hello?"

"Where are you?" Johnny asked frantically. "You've been gone for hours."

"I'm fine." I told him, although that wasn't what he asked.

"I've been out looking for you. Where are you?" he repeated.

I felt guilty. "You were looking for me in the rain?"

"I'm still looking for you!" Johnny sighed. "Carmen, you can't just run off and not expect anyone to care."

"Nobody does. Nobody except you." I said.

"Just because they don't say it doesn't mean they don't care. Besides, everyone else is convinced that you'll come back."

"What makes you think I won't?" I asked.

"Nothing. But I'm scared you won't and I don't want that to happen so can you just tell me where you are?"Johnny said desperately.

My heart leaped because nobody had ever said anything like that to me before. I looked out of the bus stop, and low and behold, there he was, his back to me, standing under a crappy shop shelter. I got up and walked quickly towards him.

"Carmen?" he asked.

"Wait." I said. "Sorry, I just need to do something."

I ran up behind him, hung up the call, and wrapped my arms around him from behind. He jumped and spun around, but relaxed when he saw it was me. He hugged me properly, kissing my temple. Butterflies swarmed in my stomach, but I ignored them once again. I couldn't let myself get carried away.

"Sorry." I whispered.

"It's okay." he replied.


End file.
